Thursday, July 17, 2008, 08:13 AM
Right this very moment, I am sitting on the train to work (the joy of wi-fi), and opposite me is sitting a sleeping Japanese tourist. He is wearing a T-shirt adorned with UK national insignia - the royal coat of arms and a union jack. And beneath it all is spelt the word:
BIRTAIN
Has anyone heard of this place? I think this is a result of either the sloppiest ever piece of product quality control, or clothing from a new designer who takes irony to new and ultra-cool levels.
If it is the latter, then obviously I want one.
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Friday, July 11, 2008, 08:14 PM
I saw Jamie Lidell last night at the iTunes Festival in Camden. It really was a great show, but it had a frustrating side that demonstrated an interesting aspect to skill that I had last noticed in my 'own area' of photography.
Put in a nutshell, performers should learn that doing difficult stuff does not necessarily mean that it is good stuff.
Jamie Lidell is a horrifically talented musician with a voice so soulful, so good, it would give him a lead billing in Motown. He adds to the appeal by looking unexpectedly nerdy, like a database specialist going on a first date. He is confident, has a great band, charisma, but he also has an achilles heel...
His gig kicked off with his new hit 'Another Day', which is a toe-tappin' feelgood soul classic. This is the kind of song that would see you grab a random household object like an egg whisk or small child, and use it as a microphone. But hold on, there was an ominous-looking bank of laptops and dials on the stage, and the closer Jamie Lidell got to them, the more a feeling of foreboding crept across the crowd - surely he wasn't going to log on?
Sure enough, after only two songs, he bade farewell to the band and proceeded to develop a lengthy and self-indulgent sonic slurry of loops, yelps, beatboxes and harmonies, with the laptops sandwiching it all together to perfection. It looked tricky to do, but it was about as listenable as standing by a motorway during a hailstorm. Even his most diehard fans stopped punching the air in exhilaration. He got the momentum back when the band made a welcome return to the stage, but this tedious interlude had robbed the gig of greatness.
Same thing applied to me when I did loads of photography. I realised that people sometimes ignored shots that had been technically difficult, and complimented instead the mere 'snaps' that I had taken without giving the shot much thought. Initially, I felt they were mistaken, and put more effort into the technical stuff, but to no avail. Gradually, you have to learn that the stuff you put all your effort into can sometimes not be worth it.
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Thursday, June 26, 2008, 12:23 AM
I never cease to marvel at the limits of human endeavour. We visit space, cure diseases, start wars, stop wars, clone sheep, create exquisite works of art, invent the iPhone and then we take the opportunity to peel the letters GL off recycling bins for a bit of a laugh.
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Thursday, June 26, 2008, 12:11 AM
Now I am living in Peterborough, a lot of people ask me what the commute is like, and their wincing expression as they ask suggests that they perceive commuting as a subject as pleasant as having your testicles transplanted.
In actual fact, commuting from Peterborough is jolly nice, as long as you are able to foot the wallet-lacerating season ticket. I get 46 minutes of utter calm and peace and quiet as pristine English countryside whistles by.
The only thing that could interfere with this (but I derive a certain entertainment from it) is a businessman who sits in my carriage and follows an absolutely baffling routine every morning. He opens his laptop, checks his emails, and then gets on the mobile to what seems to be the same person every day. Each and every time, the conversation revolves around an email that went out the previous day to Sainsburys (clearly this guy works for a food manufacturer), that has gone down rather badly. Our man in the carriage then goes through a thesaurus of management wafflespeak, suggesting that they 'drill down', 'touch base', 'pull together' and 'work out a strategy' to repair the damage done by the previous day's email. He always calls a meeting and suggests that they bring in a bloke called Martin so that they can 'drive forward'. This episode would be unremarkable if it happened once, but the sheer comedy regularity of this same routine means that I can rub my hands in expectation of yet another morning damage limitation exercise. I am sure that, whoever 'Martin' is, he will soon realise that the best way to 'drive forward' is to get rid of said email writer and not send any stupid messages to Sainsburys in the first place.
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Thursday, June 26, 2008, 12:07 AM
If you like the image above, then the same type of abstract artwork is within your reach - all you need is a camera that you are prepared to break if the worst comes to the worst.
Simply go into a dark-ish area where there are interesting light sources all around (a bar or pub lends itself well to this), turn the camera's flash off, set the self-timer, and then hurl the camera spinning into the air as the picture is taken. Ideally, you should then catch the camera too. After a bit of trial and error, you could end up with rather pleasing results...
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